Sort of like Last Tango in Paris – if you re old enough to remember what was, then, a quite risque film – but not very. Or last timesheets.

Apologies for missing last week. Thursday came as did Friday and the rest of the weekend and I spent most of it in Peterborough.

Don’t tell me I don’t live an interesting life!

And next (long) weekend I shall be in Birmingham – West Midlands and not Alabama unfortunately but you take your breaks where and when you can…

I’ve got a cold/bacteria/virus/something

I think I summed it up best when I told Die Tochter that it felt like something had crawled into my head and died there.

It’s not very nice he said in an understated manner.

And it seems to have wound all the pain receptors in my body up to 11.

When I get up in the morning I can barely bend my back.

Oh biker girl is home – sometime I ought to put a photo of Lorraine in her leathers on a post – but then I remembered, this is supposed to be a family friendly publication.

Live life in the bus lane – that’s what I say.

Oh yes, bending my back.

It must have looked hilarious when I was trying to put my shoes on on Tuesday when it first struck but somehow I wasn’t laughing very much.

It’s also reminded my repetitive strain injuries (RSI) how much fun they can have!

Too much work hunched over a computer keyboard has left my right elbow with an RSI that can make it twitch unexpectedly.

Not very often I hasten to add.

Just when it’s inconvenient in the main. Bulging eyes emoji.

But colds, etc. do seem to exacerbate it.

I do remember one occasion a year or two back throwing (some of) the contents of a beer glass over myself when lifting it to drink.

Have also come close to doing similar with a cup of tea. Not to be recommended.

So the tango – last or otherwise – is possibly the most unlikely thing I’ll be doing today.

Ditto going to the gym.

Missed last week because we were away and will miss next week likewise so had high hopes for today.

However, as most of it is core work, I’m unlikely to be comfortable lifting 10kg from side to side when I couldn’t even touch the floor earlier without leaning on something.

Sigh.

And it’s bl00dy well raining! Far be it for me to be more wimpish than necessary but an impromptu bath is unlikely to help the cold.

And just to really cheer me up the radio is given over to a full performance of the opera Rigoletto.

Music to slash your wrists to! Makes Leonard Cohen sound cheerful and follows Madam Butterfly at lunchtime.

Someone PLEASE tell me what is so enjoyable about Opera Seria???

The baddie is always a bass, the goody a tenor who is just a little bit thick and/or questionable and the heroine ALWAYS tops herself at the end!

Maybe I should write one myself – seem to have the synopsis down pat.

I have been having one of those days I’m glad I no longer do a timesheet

I started doing timesheets in 1977.

That is an absolutely frightening thing in itself.

Because accountants – at the time – used to bill clients on the basis of hours worked.

Lots of solicitors still do.

Made sort of sense – more complicated takes longer, BUT

lots of tasks get better with repetition.

Which means the better I get at it, the less I charge.

Bummer.

So it had already changed to billing what it was “worth” or how long it took, whichever was the more.

Then client’s started to get wise to this so it moved over to a fixed fee per task for most assignments and the timesheet became an excuse for whipping members of staff if they took longer than the time allowed.

Of course, if they’d spent the time faffing, this was valid but if it was because the person setting the budget was incompetent it was not.

Especially if the staff member’s remuneration depended on it.

But that was okay as they were plebs and the persons setting the budgets were important.

Me? Cynical? I couldn’t possibly say…

So every place I’ve worked invariably ended up with Office/Admin/something similar to dump time to and (if you were really lucky) the “hospital job” where excess chargeable time went to die.

So staff members ended up cutting corners, not recording work done, etc. and the timesheet was a total waste of time.

Also doesn’t work if you’re a creative. You can spend hours bimbling along and suddenly three winners turn up in succession.

And when I went out on my own? Still completed the damned timesheets – only now I could use it to beat myself up for under quoting.

Timesheets 3 Colin 0 and so for another 16 years I continued to complete something that made me annoyed that was little or no use whatsoever.

Go figure.

And somewhere along the way the partnership I was part of had turned to a SIX MINUTE time unit (“unit”).

To put this in context it took you two units to make a cup of tea or go to the loo – or more!

And I understand there are places that use a one minute unit.

I believe the expression is ‘avin’ a larf.

So why do we continue to inflict them on our workers?

It’s our fireworks on Sunday

Generally around 4-5,000 people attend and I’m surprised I’ve not got the jitters about that as well.

But everything seems to be going remarkably smoothly (touches wood) so far.

Of course I’m going to be bu99er all use in assisting with erecting gazebos as I am at the minute but I’ll get there, I always do.

Actually Lorraine will do most of the heavy lifting much to the chagrin of one or two of the male helpers who don’t understand she bump starts jumbo jets in her spare time.

Which amuses her. And me.

And if I live to write another one in a fortnight’s time I’ve managed not to offend her too much.

Only time/timesheets will tell…

So on with the dancing shoes, tango round the recreation ground and hope my hatred of timesheets has made one or two of you think.

Will our display be as good as previous years? With thanks to DeltaWorks / Pixabay